In the most recent version of the movie Freaky Friday, there’s a scene where the mother removes the daughter’s door to her room. It’s the result of broken trust. I often use that illustration when working with couples who are confronting broken trust. Having an affair means you are no longer trustworthy. Your word is crap. It doesn’t mean a thing to your partner. As the affair-haver, it is your job to do all you can to rebuild trust with your spouse or partner (assuming you intend to repair the broken relationship). You have to want to rebuild trust. If you don’t desire it, this will be ultra hard for you. When you are in the place of sincerely committing yourself to the task of rebuilding trust, this journey will feel more like freedom and less like an intrusion. That’s your barometer for knowing where your heart is. Since an affair is self serving, recovering from one means you are letting go of both pride and satiating your selfishness.
Having no door on your life means your cell phone – voice mail, outgoing and incoming calls and texts are accessible by your partner. You give your passwords to email, Facebook, LinkedIn and any other methods of communication to your partner. You agree not to set up secret email accounts. You don’t use a work phone or other means of communication with the offending party. All of your communication is an open book for your partner. You let her in on everything, holding nothing back. If you fail, you let her know without her having to find it out on her own because eventually she will.
I love when my husband is using my phone. I know he can peruse my voicemail, email and texts and find nothing incriminating because I’m not doing anything that would result in broken trust. I haven’t had an affair in my current marriage, but I had an affair in my first. I know the difference between the nearly constant fear of being found out and the freedom of having nothing to hide. I prefer the door to my life being off its hinges.
Affair Survival Guide 